The Truth by Neil Strauss

How highly I recommend:
10/10
After learning to pick up women in his infamous book "The Game", Neil Strauss was forced to confront the sex addiction and childhood traumas that rendered him incapable of sustaining a genuine romantic relationship. The Truth is his highly personal and philosophical reflection on modern relationships, backed up by more self-experimentation than you or I will probably ever do. It's is one of the most beautiful books I have ever read, while at the same time being the most practically useful for navigating my own feelings and love life. Particularly if you are male, and are not currently in a solid, loving, long term relationship, this book is a must-read.
Published on:
December 27, 2020
Written by:
Sebastian Hallqvist

Lying is about controlling someone else’s reality, hoping that what they don’t know won’t hurt you.


Unmet needs during childhood can create trauma. Childhood trauma can in turn lead to individual, personal and relationship challenges. To identify childhood trauma, you can analyze your common thought patterns and then work backwards to see if something matches.

One way to recognize if you’re stuck in your own story is whenever you feel less than or better than others.


Developmental states

Wounded child: emotionally frozen between 0-5yrs old

Adapted adolescent: frozen between 6-18yrs

Functional adult: emotionally mature

We choose partners who are at the same developmental age as we are, with complementary issues. A mature relationship is when two individuated adults decide to have a relationship, which becomes a third entity. They nurture it, and it nurtures them.

Only when our love for someone exceeds our need for them do we have a shot at a genuine relationship together.

Tell your 8 year old self: I am firing your parents. From now on, I’m taking care of you.

Loneliness is holding in a joke because you have no one to share it with.

What others shame people for the most, is usually what they’re doing in secret themselves.

Deep in our nature, we are foragers. Life is a process of gathering the resources we need from a large connected planet.

Sometimes what you resist the most is what you most need. Often what you cling to most is exactly what you need to let go...

Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments.

The person with the least amount of comfort in a relationship gets to set the boundaries.

When infatuated, we see others not as they are, but as a projection of who we want them to be, and we impose on them all the imaginary criteria we think will fill the void in our hearts. This only leads to suffering.

If you were your daughter, what would you tell her to do?

The problem many people have is that the quality that originally attracted them to their partner becomes a threat once a serious relationship begins.

Most people seem to believe that any relationship that doesn’t last until death is a failure. But the only relationship that’s truly a failure is the one that lasts longer than it should.

Life is a test, and you pass if you can be true to who you are.

Love is nature’s psycho therapy.

Sex is easy to find. But love is rare.

While married men have mid-life crises, men who have never been able to commit have no-life crises.  And if they see clearly for even just a moment, they start to realize that they’re loosing more than they’re gaining, each moment they remain stalled on the scenic road of growing up.

There is no where better to hide than in a relationship.

The person who is too smart to love, is truly an idiot.

Don’t trade long term happiness for short term pleasure.

As long as one person is in the functional adult, many if not all arguments can be avoided.

Whatever the situation, love and compassion is always the correct response.

The fantasy of other people is almost always better than the reality.




















Love is not about finding the right person. It’s about becoming the right person.